I am immune to social pressure.
As evidence, it’s worth noting that I never endorse the kinds of uber-popular things that other people seem to endorse. I’m a rebel from the norms of common culture. Unlike most people, my favorite coffee shop is…Starbucks. (OK, wait). My favorite place to eat is…McDonald’s. (No, don’t worry, here it comes, I’m really a rebel about shopping). My favorite place to shop is…Wal-Mart. (What’s happening here?) My favorite sport is…football.
OK, so maybe sometimes I am not quite the rebel I believe myself to be. Occasionally, once in a while, I am influenced by social pressure.
Anywho, I noticed recently that of the top 7 most-read posts on this blog, 6 of them are “Top 5” ratings and rankings. It is merely an unrelated coincidence that I’ve spent quite a bit of my most recent blogging efforts doing a bunch of ratings of things. This has nothing to do with the social pressure comments I opened with. Really, readers, you are so cynical.
In order to completely buck this trend and show you that I’m not just a reed blowing in the wind of social influence, today I’m going to do a totally different kind of post.
I’m still going to rate things — BUT this rating, unlike many of my other ratings, contains a mathematical counting error. Take that, cynic! If that isn’t a bold deviation from norms, I don’t know what is. [Editor's note: Actually, the vast majority of his rating/ranking posts contain mathematical counting errors. We would apologize for this complicated multi-layered set of errors within errors, except that it is probably more entertaining than anything else in the post. Which isn't very entertaining, if we're being honest.]
Today, we shift gears a bit and take the focus away from the ancient musicians from my youth. Indeed, in the last post in this series, my list of Greatest Christian Musicians of All Time felt a bit as if I was extolling the virtues of color television and parachute pants. This week, I bring us up to the modern era by forcing myself to look at the last 15 years or so of Christian music – for those of you who may not even remember Rich Mullins (more’s the pity). Let’s jump right in.
1. Sara Groves. After Rich Mullins died, I felt for a while that Christian music was lacking anyone who could write a beautiful lyric that really moved you to your soul. Then Sara Groves came along and changed all that. She is one of those rare people who could bring you to tears with a song about the time she ate slightly undercooked mashed potatoes in ’85, or maybe even a whole moving song about the super-irritating packaging that comes on modern toys. (That last one is the literal truth – she actually did write a wonderful lyric about that very thing, a song appropriately titled Toy Packaging).
Just ponder this lyric:
Dress down your pretty faith
Give me something real
Leave out the “thee” and “thou”
And speak to me now
I woke up this morning and realized
That Jesus is not a portrait
Or stained glass windows
Or hymns
Or all the beauty that surrounds us
I thought it would be hard to believe in
But it’s not hard at all
To believe I’ve sinned
And fallen short
Of the glory of God
He’s not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom
He’s asking to take my place
To stand in the gap that I have formed
With His real, with His sweet, with His real amazing grace
And it’s not just a sign or a sacrament
It’s not just a metaphor for love
His blood is real and it’s not just a symbol of your faith
So leave out the “thee” and “thou”
And speak now
Pretty much every song Sara Groves writes is like that, from simple lyrics like “My Journey is My Own” to powerful and tear-jerking ballads like “You Cannot Lose My Love” to beautiful salvation songs like “Remember Surrender.” Her music can sometimes feel repetitive and is often piano-based and slow (for those of us who like to rock it out sometimes, she’s a little musically dull), but mixed in there is a lot of creative musical beauty that makes her an easy choice for number 1 on this list. I’ve put as her signature song one of my all-time favorite lyrics, a slow song with an edgy psychological message (that kind of describes my own life).
Signature Song: Maybe There’s a Loving God
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2. Chris Rice. I have no idea why this guy isn’t considered one of the greatest singer/songwriters of all time, or why he doesn’t have more hits in Christian music circles. Almost everything he writes is worth listening to. He has a very pleasant voice and, although very mellow overall, can really pick up the pace when he wants to. He is a lyrical genius and has produced hilarious song titles like “Smell the Color Nine” and the humble-sounding “The Best Song Ever.” Chris Rice challenges, cajoles, amuses, comforts, and encourages; all at the same time; on just about every line of every song. I’m picking here a quiet song about faith that has constantly encouraged me over the last few years.
Signature Song: The Final Move
3. Derek Webb. Here’s a bit from a Derek Webb song:
There are two great lies that I’ve heard
One is that if you eat of this fruit, you will not surely die
The other is that Jesus is a white, middle-class Republican
And that if you want to get to Heaven, you have to be like Him
And then after that the album gets controversial.
Derek Webb, a founding member of the popular Christian band Caedmon’s Call, is the most talented singer/songwriter that you’ve probably never heard of. He is a firebrand; he is a musical genius; he has a tremendous voice; and he is unafraid to say a lot of things that probably make him unpalatable to the cookie-cutter Christian music industry, but which need to be said. I often vehemently disagree with him and quite a bit of his music makes me highly annoyed, but there is no denying his genius and fully two of his songs helped change my life. I’ll put the most meaningful one, a repetitive-but-incredibly-powerful ballad, here.
Signature Song: Lover.
4. Switchfoot. Well, look, I like Switchfoot for the same reason everyone else does. Only in my case it’s a bit odd, because I don’t like this kind of band. They are a little too Seattle grunge for my tastes. All the same, they write cool and inspired lyrics, soaring ballads, and their rock songs are generally hard to get out of my head. They are the kind of band that (and this has happened literally every time I’ve listened to a new Switchfoot album), the first time I listen to an album, I go “that’s pretty nice but not classic,” but it gets better and better at each turn, until I finally admit I’m totally in love with it.
The song I pick below, I kind of hate choosing, since it is one of their big hits and is thus too boringly obvious…but it really is a super-cool song.
Signature Song: Dare You to Move
5. Ceili Rain. The fifth spot was tough, but I finally just used a heuristic of “which band do I actually listen to the most.” And by that criterion, Ceili Rain wins hands down – and in fact by that criterion alone, they might be number 1 on this list.
You’ve probably never heard of this band, although they had a minor secular hit with their catchy ballad “Love Travels.” They have a glorious Celtic (a genre I absolutely love) sound with a talented singer/song-writer as their lead singer – although his less-than-inspired vocals sometimes drag down the band a bit. However, overall, they provide, if not amazing lyrics, some very solid lyrical depth combined with catchy and well-executed Celtic riffs. I may be their #1 fan in the whole world!
Signature Song: This is October
Best of the Rest:
6. Plumb. Plumb is indescribably awesome. First, her name is just…Plumb. Cooler than Pele or Prince or Maradonna or even Ronaldo – no, she unquestionably has the best one-word name of all time. I’ve often wished I could change my name to some fairly obscure fruit reference. Wouldn’t it be totally awesome to be called just “Fig”…or “Rutabaga”?
(My wife and daughter both tell me that the fruit is actually spelled “Plum” – and that “Plumb” ending with ‘b’ means something like “go deep.” It’s so sad that they don’t know how to spell such a basic fruit!)
Hard to believe, the glory of Plumb doesn’t end with her name. There’s actually more. Plumb is one of the few truly dynamic rockers that modern Christian music has produced. It’s like Joan Jett meets early Amy Grant. It’s like The Cure meets Touched by an Angel. She is edgy, unapologetically and shockingly honest – and yet, through a lot of dark and brooding and angsty stuff, through all of that shines a message of hope, God’s love and forgiveness, rest, and quiet goodness. There ain’t nothing like Plumb.
Sure, she produces some soaring ballads and love songs (Here With Me) – but did I mention that she can totally and completely rock in every way? The song I put here is one of my favorite edgy-angsty rock songs of all time.
Signature Song: Solace.
7. Andrew Peterson. This guy is like the Christian James Taylor. His line “There are days the Church seems like nothing more than the second coming of the Pharisees” – in reference to hate-filled attitudes in the modern Church – is enough to make me want to buy all his albums. He is absolutely wonderful and has a real knack for combining catchy mellow riffs with thought-provoking lyrics.
Signature Song: In the Night My Hope Lives On.
8. Casting Crowns. A little too “boilerplate” for me, Casting Crowns has nonetheless produced so many songs that inspire me and/or make me cry that it would be dishonest not to put them on this list. They have a tendency to have annoyingly political lyrics at times, but they have produced some wonderfully deep and personal songs – and the lead singer is excellent. I could pick about ten of their songs, but I choose an off-the-radar one which captures how I often feel (and also has an average linguistic complexity of 5, which is incredibly complex – the highest single person we’ve ever scored was Immanuel Kant, who clocks in at a 3.2 – and, as a complexity researcher, this makes me strangely comforted).
Signature Song: Caught in the Middle
9. For King and Country. Hands down, these guys produce best sound Christian music has heard in the last 15 years or so. This is my favorite kind of band: Edgy, acoustic-driven rock with lots of soaring two-part harmonies. For King and Country is full of energy and panache; they have that certain “it” factor; they are refreshingly awesome. And while they are not lyrical geniuses, they have some nice lyrics – and one song that is very personally meaningful to me (which probably helped land them on this list, even though otherwise they are not exactly hitting things out of the lyrical park):
Signature Song: People Change.
10. The Afters. I loved this band before they were cool. I heard the “signature song” below once on the radio and immediately told my wife that I wanted to figure out who that was and go buy every album they had ever recorded…and it turns out that pretty much everything they produce, in any style, is super awesome. Great funny songs (MySpace Girl), great ballads (Oceans Wide), great stomp-your-feet songs (Start Over), and great brooding rock songs (We Are the Sound). But I keep going back to that first moment of my profound “The Afters” love, when I was scrambling to figure out who sang this signature and stunningly-beautiful ballad:
Signature Song: Keeping Me Alive
10. Matt Maher. Yes, I am aware that there are two number 10’s. I realized after I finished my list that I had left off one of my favorite artists, and really, you can’t have a top 10 list without…Plumb. But I’m too lazy to re-write stuff, and I’m absolutely horrified at the thought of deleting something (please! Give me a break. It’s like you don’t even know me).
Now, to Matt Maher (sorry, Matt, I really do like your music, and I’m getting to that): I absolutely love this guy. Simple, straightforward rock music that makes me think of my favorite secular artists of a bygone era – people like John Cougar Mellencamp. Powerful, edgy, acoustic rock, with a cry-out-to-Heaven lyrical angsty-ness. Nothing profound, but this is a fun guy to listen to with the windows down, the wind blowing through your face, the mountains shining, and your heart turned Heavenward.
[Editor’s Note: We at the Apologetic Professor editorial staff would like to discourage all children and dogs from having wind blow through your face. We’re not sure what that means, but we are fairly confident that anything literally going through your face is…not good. We’d maybe recommend trying your hair instead.]
Signature Song: Heaven Help Me Now
The Rest of the Best of the Rest:
11. Matthew West (Signature Song: The Motions). 12. DecemberRadio (Signature Song: Find You Waiting). 13. Mark Schultz (Signature Song: She Was Watching). 14. BarlowGirl (Signature Song: Never Alone). 15. Jan Krist (Signature Song: Parallel Universe). 16. FM Static (Signature Song: Tonight). 17. Luminate (Signature Song: Healing in Your Arms). 18. The Museum (Signature Song: Buy This). 19. Brandon Heath (Signature Song: London). 20. Chris August (Signature Song: Seventy Times Seven).
He’s Back!: Luke Wins Lengthy Lawsuit to Save the Apologetic Professor Name
It’s been a long journey since my last post. As incredible as it sounds, George Lucas sued me for using the name Apologetic Professor because he claimed it was too close to his Star Wars character Appo (Clone Commander of the 501st Legion in Revenge of the Sith), for which he owned the copyright. As a result, I was legally forced to shut down my blog (and my lucrative Apologetic Professor bobble-head doll and/or ugly paperweight business) for well over a year.
I also ate a bad taco and got mild indigestion. It’s been one of those years.
But I finally won the lawsuit and I’m happy to report that my indigestion has passed. As a result, I can now resume blogging.
All my cards on the table here: I didn’t really win a Star Wars-themed lawsuit. I did, however, construct a Star Wars costume from $10 at a thrift store for a new character I named Darth Janitorius. [Editor’s Note: We regret to inform you that this story is actually…true.] There has never been a cleaner bathroom for dark lords than the one in Darth Janitorius’ house, let me tell you.
To clarify: Absolutely no lawsuits, but lots of Star Wars suits. (Please don’t actually sue me, George Lucas. You’re an awesome guy and I love you, man!)
But figured after a year and half away from the blog, I needed something particularly eye-catching or else no one would read it. (At least, that’s the lesson I learned from modern politicians and/or bobble-head distributors). So while there was no lawsuit, one part of the title is true:
I’M BACK!
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I’m sure you are all absolutely dying to know why I’ve actually been away [Editor’s note: We’d mock him, but he’s taking all the challenge out of it]. The real reason is rather drab and boring: I did not have time to do blogging well over this past year, and I made a conscious decision to take some time off from the blog to re-analyze and re-energize and re-estimatize and re-….nuclearize. Or something. Anyway, during this last year, I was writing a book (now published, more on that in a later post) and my day job was particularly taxing. I’ll spare most of the details, but the pertinent point here is:
I’M BACK!
Yes, after finishing the book and seriously weighing the amount of time I have in my life, I’d decided that my heart is too much in this blog to stop writing it. Now, I actually know that you can’t sustain a blog by taking a year and a half off all the time, or posting on a super intermittent schedule. But when I say I’m committed to this blog, I mean it: I want this blog to be good, and I want to post regular articles of high quality pertinent to religious topics.
Now, my life is busy and I really do have a day job. So, to find a balance between the busy-ness of my own life and a need to be a more consistent blogger, I’m going to post at least once a month. I might post more, but my goal is this: I want to put something of decent quality at no less than one per month. While I realize that isn’t as consistent as many blogs that post once a day, this will at least keep me on a regular schedule.
I’m also going to try to expand the scope of the blog by more regularly asking guest bloggers to post. Thus, while we will keep up the normal cheeky, quasi-intellectual rants of times past, we will mix that in with discussions from other (and more intellectually competent) writers. I’m also thinking of doing even crazier things like getting a twitter account. Egad!
So: Buckle up! It’s going to be a wild ride.