10 Rules to Live By

The Apologetic Professor is taking a 3-week summer break.  After some reflection, it turns out that I care more about spending time with my wife and family than I do about you.  Sorry.

Now, now, that snide remark in your head is not very becoming.  And look on the bright side: Because I’ll be pretty much out of contact for the next three weeks, you can post any comment you want and I won’t be able to respond…at all.  Think of the possibilities for mockery!

In the spirit of allowing you complete self-expression at my expense, I’ve picked the absolutely most controversial post I could think of to throw over my metaphorical shoulder as I leave the metaphorical room.  Something to really stir the pot…put the painfully hot spice in the soup…eat the tree bark.  (Wait…tree bark?) Well, ok, maybe this isn’t my most controversial post…or even controversial enough to make a two-year-old grumpy after drinking six Pepsis…or even interesting enough that anyone would want to read it.  So, yeah, basically I just wanted to post something so boring and uncontroversial that you wouldn’t be able to contradict me when I’m not here to defend myself.  I’m very sporting that way.

But don’t think I’m going away forever.  (Again with the snide remarks in your head! For shame).  I’ll be back in less than a month.  And when I return, I’ll be posting things like Why I am Not a Postmodernist, Grading Arguments for God’s Existence (Part V), About Hope, The Top 5 Worst Christian Movies of All Time, Is Happiness a Good Standard?, The Top 5 Reasons I am a Christian, and 10 More Rules to Live By. 

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these Rules to Live By.  Please, please don’t find them controversial!  I mean, really, if you attack Bob Ross, you attack everything that is good and right about the world.

1. Always be kind to grumpy old ladies with a lot of health problems.

2. Don’t keep the Preparation H in the toothpaste drawer.

3. The even-numbered Star Trek movies are awesome; the odd-numbered ones suck.

It’s a pamelaannschoolofdance.com india pharmacy viagra disorder that will takes over each thoughts moreover the country’s functions inflicting lack of urge for food, sleep loss, mood shots, since a good far come to feel over despair. In 1993 some studies were conducted on generic cialis without prescription many patients with panic disorder. If all has gone well you should now have canadian levitra online all three credit reports in your hands. If at all you don’t levitra cheap online get any effect then consult doctor for medical advice. 4. Treat inconveniences as adventures.*

5. Try to write at least one poem, even if you are not very good at it.

6. Watch Bob Ross PBS re-runs at least once a year, and then imagine the next tree you see is a “happy tree.”

7. Anytime you see the words avant garde, run the other direction like you are a piece of prime beef and a pack of starving wolves is chasing you.*

8.  It doesn’t matter that you meditate; it matters what you meditate on.

9.  Don’t let your daughter marry guys named Phil. And don’t ask why.

10. When an elderly family member cannot remember who you are, you should still talk to them sometimes to show them that you remember who they are.*

*I did not think of all of these on my own.  Number 3 is paraphrased from G.K. Chesterton; number 7 is almost verbatim from Stephan Pastis (Pearls Before Swine creator); number 10 is adapted from an episode of the TV show Doc starring…you guessed it…Billy Ray Cyrus.  The one about Preparation H is, of course, my own.